Articles & Journal / Article · Everyday practice
How to practise NVC in everyday conversations
Start with one specific moment. Notice what happened, name a feeling and a need, then ask for a small, doable action. Leave room to hear the other person’s experience and response.
You do not need a perfect sentence to begin. Nonviolent Communication is a practice of connection, with yourself and with another person. The words are there to support that connection.
Four things to notice
Marshall Rosenberg’s introduction to Nonviolent Communication describes observations, feelings, needs and requests, both when expressing yourself and when listening.
What happened?
Choose something specific you saw or heard. Separate that moment from your interpretation of the other person.
How do you feel?
Look for an emotion, such as disappointment, worry, relief or joy. “Ignored” may describe your interpretation; “lonely” might name the feeling underneath it.
What matters to you?
Notice a need or value: connection, rest, clarity, consideration or support. There may be more than one way to meet it.
What would you like to ask?
Ask for an action the other person can understand and respond to. Be specific about what you would welcome.
An everyday example
Imagine you are telling someone about your day and they look at their phone. You might try:
“When you looked at your phone while I was talking about my day, I felt lonely. I was hoping for a moment of connection. Would you be willing to put it aside while we talk for five minutes?”
This is an illustrative example. Use words that sound like you. The other person might agree, suggest another time or tell you something you did not know.
Make room for an answer
The Center for Nonviolent Communication describes making requests without coercion. Notice whether you are ready to hear a “no” and stay curious about what matters to the other person.
If now is not a good time, you could ask, “When would work for you?” Connection may involve finding a different way forward. A particular response or agreement is not guaranteed.
Practise listening, too
Give the other person a chance to finish. You might check your understanding: “Are you feeling stretched and wanting a little more time?” Let them correct your guess.
Before offering ideas, ask whether they would like suggestions or would prefer you to listen. You can also pause and notice your own feelings and needs before responding.
Try one small practice today
- Choose one everyday moment you would like to understand better.
- Write down what you observed, a feeling and a need. Keep them separate.
- Try a clear request aloud, then consider how you would listen to the answer.
You can reflect privately before deciding whether to have the conversation. If you discuss it with others, leave out names or identifying details you do not have permission to share.
Keep practising with other people
In NVC Singapore’s free Community, you can read conversations, ask a question or find people interested in practising together. Beginners are welcome. Your first contribution is reviewed by staff before it appears to other members.
For structured learning or personal support, explore NVC Singapore’s personal services. Courses and other paid services are separate from free Community membership.
